


We live in Fear

by Roguesyrene



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roguesyrene/pseuds/Roguesyrene
Summary: “Devi, look around you we share an apartment, we share a room a bed. We share a life. "Sometimes the fear controls the actions we take.
Relationships: Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	We live in Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes we aren't friends I'm happy to make corrections if anyone sees any.

Devi slammed the door to her apartment shut, angrily throwing her purse at the coach and kicking off her shoes and she headed to the fridge for a bottle of wine. Fuck glasses she thought as she started drinking straight from the bottle. She heard the door open and rolled her eyes as he stared at her from the doorway. 

“Really Devi?” he said, “Are we still in high school?” She scowled at him and took a big swig of wine. 

“So you are just going to storm off in the middle of my firm fundraising dinner and not say a word?” he was getting angry now and he was starting to half yell at her. “What the fuck Devi?”  
He was also calling her Devi which was never a good sign, but it was fine with her because fighting with Ben was her jam. 

“Don’t you what the fuck Devi me, you know what you did I can’t believe you would do that?” she yelled at him drinking more wine from the bottle while making eye contact with him which she knew he hated. 

“No I don’t know what I did!” he yelled back at her as he picked her purse and shoes putting them away in their proper places. 

“Oh, really Ben? Really Ben? You don’t know what you did?” she asked him her voice dripping with sarcasm. “So the people at your firm just made up that we are engaged?” she narrowed her eyes at him. “Because to me that doesn’t seem like something they would do? Asking me when we are going to set a date because it just seems like we have been engaged forever? Am I missing something are you cheating on me? Do you have a fiancee somewhere I should know about?” Devi’s chest heaved as she levelled these accusations at Ben. 

For a moment Ben look relieved but then as she kept talking he started to get angry.

“Yes Devi,” he said matching her tone “you caught me a have a secret fiancee and three kids at my parent’s house in Hamptons. Fuck Devi! I lied I’m sorry but what else I am supposed to tell the people I work with. Hi, I’m Ben and this is my (he raised his hand for the air quotes) “roommate Devi” because I assume that it what you are still telling people.” 

Devi glares at him and drinks more wine. 

“Oh and don’t think I missed the part where you asked if I was cheating on you? How can I cheat on you if we don’t even have a relationship?” Ben was yelling now. “I’m a patent man Devi I really am but there is only so much that even I can take.” 

“Devi, look around you we share an apartment, we share a room a bed. We share a life. I tell you that I love you, you tell me you love me too. I know that you mean it but still you can’t even commit to calling me your boyfriend?” Ben slumped down on the couch looking defeated. He let out a heavy sigh letting go of the anger because deep down he wasn’t angry he was hurt and scared of losing Devi. 

“Why am I not enough for you Devi? I mean fuck I went to Princeton to be with you I took this job to be in the same city as you. I’ve told you over and again how I feel about you. I mean I know we fight but I love you, Devi! You are it for me so I’m not what you want then just fucking tell me so I can try and move on.” 

In the kitchen, Devi’s eyes are filling with tears. 

“You are enough for me,” she whispers in the apartment. She leaves the wine and comes and sits on the coffee table in front of Ben. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles because she hates to apologize but this is on her. She knew what she was doing she had built a life with Ben and he was patient and never forced her to do anything she didn’t want. The truth was when they call her Ben fiancee it hurt because she knew that she could never marry Ben she loved him too much for that. She reached out and took his hand, it fit perfectly in hers like it always did. She looked down at their joined hands and took a shuttering breath. She knew that she was going to cry. She felt Ben squeeze her hand, he was always there for her and she had treated him like shit. She knew that she could never marry him or have kids with him, but she let him build his life with hers because deep down Devi was selfish she always had been. It was time to let Ben go there was no future for him with her, she had to stop being so selfish. She squeezed his hand and then let it out. 

“I’ll have my stuff out by the end of the month and I’ll move into the guest room and I will try to stay out of your way Ben.” She goes to leave. After all, she doesn’t want to cry in front of Ben because she knows it will make it worse. Ben grabs her wrist to stop her and then Devi makes a huge mistake as she looks into Ben’s clear blue eyes. Even when she hated Ben she loved his eyes. 

“Why?” Ben chokes out she can tell he is fighting tears too. Devi blinks and the tears fall down her cheeks she rubs them off with her arm. All of a sudden Devi feels like she is back on that stage watching her Dad die all over again. She could never do that to Ben. 

“Why?” Ben asks again. “If you are going to throw us away at least tell me why I deserve at least that don’t I? Please, David.” 

It’s the David that breaks her. 

“You deserve everything, I wish I could give that to you.” Devi’s tears fall faster now and she stops trying to hide them. “I’m almost the same age my Dad was when he..” even after all these years it still hurts to say it. “When he died.” Devi stifles a sob, “What if that happens to me? What if we get married and have kids and then I die just like my dad did. Then what Ben? I was there I saw what it did to my mom, to me. I could never do that to you, I’ve been so selfish for so long and you are so wonderful you just went along with all my crazy rules and you let me have a taste of what our life could have been and I will always treasure that. In the end, I know that I should be alone so I can’t mess up anyone else life. I’m just sorry that it took me so long I never wanted to hurt or make you feel like you are less.” Devi pulls aways.

“You are everything Ben you deserve so much more you then I could ever give you, don’t ever think that you aren’t enough.” Devi wipes her tears away. “I’m going to grab some stuff and I’ll go stay at a hotel for a few days.” Devi grabs a suitcase from the closet.

“No.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You heard me. I said No.” 

“Ben I did this I should be the one to leave not you.”

“No.” 

“Umm Yes! This is my fault I’m going to leave.”

“No,” Ben says standing up. He grabs the suitcase from her hands and looks into deep into her eyes. “No.,” he says again. Ben seems eerily calm for a man who just lost his roommate/girlfriend. 

“What the hell Ben!” Devi yells he always knows how to push her buttons. 

“NO.” He yells back. “Devi Vishwakumar, you are one of smartest people I know but right now you are being stupid”

“Hey,” Devi starts to but Ben put his fingers to her mouth. 

“I listened to you now it’s your turn. To listen to me. I love you, Devi, I meant what I said earlier you are it for me. If I have to be your roommate till we are old and grey I will if it means I get to be with you. I understand that you are scared, and you are right you could die hell I could die, but the heartache would be worth it because I was with you. You said I deserve everything and that I’m enough then let me be enough for you because without you I don’t know what I would do. I will take every second on this earth that you can give me because you are everything to me.” 

Devi’s eyes start to water again and the tears flow down her cheeks. 

“Devi marry me, have kids with me commit to our life that we started because it’s the only one I want to have. I want you and all your baggage for as long as we both have on this earth. So marry me, David.” Ben smiles at her with that smile that always melts her heart. 

“Oh, Ben. I love you too you know that but I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t.” he says “I can’t imagine how I would feel if you walked out of here and then I heard that you died? My god Devi I would be crushed, I’d rather be by your side until the end.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Every word David.” 

“Then yes let’s do this.” 

Ben’s eyes get wide and his smile overtook his face. He picked up Devi and spun her around, then he pulled her in for a searing kiss. 

“I love you, David,” he said pressing his forehead to hers. “Now lets pack.”

“Pack?” Devi asked with a laugh. 

“Yeah, I’ll have my assistant book us a flight tonight. Call your Mom, El, Fab and Kamela they can meet us there. I’ll try to get ahold of my parent ” Ben says all this while going to their room throwing his clothes into the suitcase he had grabbed from Devi. 

“Umm, Ben what are you talking about?” Devi asks following him into their room. 

“I asked you to marry me you said yes and I’m not giving you a chance to back out so Vegas it is!” he says in a triumphant voice. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Ben goes to the closest and rummages around and then comes back and gets on one knee and opens a ring box. 

“Oh my god” Devi covers her mouth. “Where did you get that from? How long have you had it?” The ring is perfect it could be better if she had picked it out herself. 

“Since high school,” Ben says in a sheepish voice. “Remember when we went to mall senior year to look at class rings and you saw this and your face lite up I bought it the next day.”

“You are kidding me? What if we broke up?” Devi asks 

“I already told you, David you are it for me, I’ve known that since the fifth grade and confirmed it with that kiss in malibu. Now, are you ready?” Devi nods as Ben slips the ring on her finger. 

Ben stand up and places a kiss on her hand. 

“Oh shit.”

“What is it?” Ben asks “Changing your mind already?” he asks half joking half terrified. 

Devi’s eyes soften and he kisses him. “No, it’s not that. I just realized I’m going to be Mrs.Gross or Dr. Gross!” Ben laughs. 

“It’s okay I like the sound of Benjamin Vishwakumar.” They both smile. 

“Ben?”

“Yeah, Devi?”

“Last one to finish packing has to call my Mom ?” 

“Deal Mrs. Gross.”


End file.
